How can we befriend our shadow or fears? First by admitting their presence. Second, by being present to them. Counselors often encourage clients "to sit with the fear", take time to feel the feeling of fear. Uncomfortable or unruly feelings and obsessions seek our attention just like an unruly child seeks the attention of a parent. When we take time to be simply present to a feeling or part of us that we are alienated from, we are taking a concrete step to befriend a part of us that we have developed a hostile relationship with.

Journaling has been writing called the 'best form of self-therapy' and it costs nothing. The simple exercise of putting on a page our uncomfortable feelings is an excellent way to befriend them and come to terms with them. This exercise will allow you to explore those uncomfortable feelings and even dialog with your feeling of anger. When we develop the skill of befriending those parts of us that we tend to reject (which includes body parts), we take a significant step to move forward in our spiritual and psychological growth.

Like many people I have had to struggle with fear all of my life, fear of new experiences, fear of failure and rejection, fear of conflict and confrontation, fear of getting emotionally close to another and fear of abandonment, fear of God etc.

The two virtues or dispositions that have helped me to deal with my fears are courage and trust. When I am facing some fear, I am also being called to develop my courage and trust muscles. Courage and trust help me.

- To try new experiences

- Confront and deal with a difficult relationship or situation.

- Write a column, preach  that I may feel fearful or timid about writing or preaching.

- Share my inner thoughts and experiences with others

- Trust that God is in charge and nothing can destroy me, not even death.

Dealing with our fears daily offers us the opportunities to grow spiritually and psychologically. One person said: "I have been terrified all my life, but that has not stopped me from doing everything I wanted to do."

For many men and women, deciding to go on a Men and Women's weekend retreat is a decision to face and overcome a fear. Volunteering to give a talk on Sunday is another decision for many to overcome some fear.

Take for example the fear of water and heights. Many people fear one or both. We can allow our fears to paralyze us and rob us of the joy that can be ours from swimming or floating in water or enjoying the beautiful things we can see from high places or we can confront our fear and take the steps we need to take to deal with the fear that hinders our spiritual and psychological growth, that hinders us from fully enjoying the life God has given to us.

So for example, when we take steps to overcome our fear of water, we befriend and integrate into our being something that we were previously afraid of. What was preciously an enemy has become our friend. The same is true as we work with past failures, hurts, inner wounds etc. We face them and do whatever it takes to bring healing to those areas of our lives from which we were alienated. Every time we take steps to face fears, deal with hurts and past failures, we are facilitating our spiritual and psychological growth. Failure to deal with our losses, hurts, inner wounds, fears, jealousies and failure is a decision not to grow spiritually and psychologically.

It has been well said that we are the sum total of our decisions. Daily we make decisions that either help or hinder our growth physically, psychologically, socially and spiritually.

Fully aware that fear is at the root of many human difficulties, Jesus counseled his followers to live unfettered by its grip. Fear of want can foster greed and instigate hoarding. Fear of the unknown can instill a cowardice that refuses to live freely and fully. Inordinate fear of God can stifle the ability to enter into a mature and personal relationship with him. Fear of enemies, more often than not, engenders more of them. Fear of the future relegates the frightened one to live in the past, finding false refuge in nostalgia. As a remedy for these crippling and twisted fears, Jesus recommended faith and trust in the God who loves each believer, sees to every need and wills only goodness and blessings.

Crippled by polio, living in the Great Depression and being threatened by the Third Reich, Franklin D. Roosevelt had much to fear. Instead of being fearful, Roosevelt said at his Inaugural Address, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Someone else reflecting on fear writes:

Fear may be compared to a fungus
Which grows in the dark,
But when exposed to the light,
Dries up and disintegrates.
"When we live fearfully, our pace slows.
And we expect to be injured.
We expect to find demons where there are none.
What we do not understand, we tend to fear.
What we fear we tend to devalue.
What we devalue soon becomes a devil.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish to be educated out." Dr. Karl Menniger.

"Fear is a good counselor and victory over fear is the first spiritual duty of man." Nikalai Berdyaev

"Do not fear God, who wishes you no harm, but love him a great deal, who wishes you so much good." St. Francis of Sales

Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyses, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable- and, most of all, fear puts hopelessness at the heart of life, while faith rejoices in its God. Harry Emerson Fosdick

Reflection Questions

Exercise

Name one fear that you presently struggle with and would like to overcome. See if the steps suggested in this column can help you to deal with the fear. If the steps do not help, write to  The Radio Chaplain Podcast, Post Office Box 361, Hazel Park, Michigan 48030.